Thursday, August 11, 2011

Answering the "Why?" question

I know that so many of you have asked God "Why did this happen to James?".  Please know that you are not alone in asking this!  I have asked God this question so many times also.  I think I may have said this before (or maybe I just thought it- I can't remember!) but there is no good reason why these things happen.  It's the same question- "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

For me, I take so much comfort in knowing that James is with Jesus.  I don't know what Heaven looks like.  I don't know if you spend all day singing to God or floating around on a cloud.  I know there are a lot of books out right now that describe Heaven's glory.  For me, it doesn't matter what Heaven actually "is".

In my mind, there is only one thing that matters.  I know that Jesus loves James more than I can fathom.  I know how much I love and did love James when he was here with me.  I know the deep longing I have for him and I know the aching in my heart that misses him.  But I also know that God created James.  He formed him and knows him more intimately than I do.  And if I only know one thing- that is that God loves James more than I possibly could, so that must be ALOT!

One of the ministers at my church, Jay Cole, came and spoke to our Sunday School class a few weeks ago.  I'm going to try to paraphrase what he said- and hopefully I won't butcher it too much!  His words have really helped me the last few weeks ago.

Reverend Jay said that he believes that God gives every person, every being, Free Will to choose God.  That means that every single living thing has the opportunity to submit to God and His will for our lives.  In cases like these, that means that even something as small as a single cancerous cell has the opportunity to either a) continue reproducing and cause havoc on James' body or b) submit to God's authority and stop.

So, in other words, it is not that God just didn't choose to heal James.  God is so loving that he allows all of us the chance to CHOOSE him.  (And Jay, I really hope that I explained this right and didn't mess it completely up.  Let me know if I need to be set straight!)

I know that this is a somewhat simplistic view- but for me, it definitely helped.  And it doesn't explain always why bad things happen but to me it makes sense!

Also, while I am on the subject of God's love- I know I have said this before, but I cannot tell you how vitally important my church community and Sunday school class have been.  I attend First United Methodist Church, Dallas for those of you in the area and who are looking for a church home.  I have been so blessed by this amazing group of friends who have become my second family.

And I know how hard it is to get up the courage and attend a church, especially if you don't know anyone!  It is super intimidating!  But please know that there are people in every church who have open arms and loving hearts and want to get to know you.  They want to share their lives with you and want you to be a part of their community.  If you visit one church and it doesn't feel right- then keep looking!  I know the "church shopping" experience can be frustrating, but the reward is so incredibly worth it.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.  I'm not a theologian.  I have no advanced knowledge of the Bible and have honestly been slacking off in my Bible study.  The one thing I do know is that God's love is infinite and that no matter what happens, God's love remains unchanged and faithful.  I hope that each of you who read this know that, and know that you are so very important and that you matter.  You matter to God and you matter to me.

And so if you are struggling in the "Why's?" of life, I hope that this helped maybe a tiny bit. Or maybe it didn't!  But that explanation helped me so I thought that I would share! :)


  1. Your unwavering faith in God and His Love is inspirational. Love and blessings!

  2. Thank you for sharing, you never know what one of us is going through when we read your blog posts and there is always something that reaches out from your words and touches a place in my heart that desperately needed to be touched. It gives me hope and encouragement.

  3. If it matters, I am a pastor in the Episcopal Church and I find your pastor's words to be rich in meaning and so powerful. It's so frustrating when people give pat answers to complex problems. Some things just suck and there is no way to know why.

    Your faith--in all its rawness--is beautiful. We are blessed that you are willing to be so transparent in your grief journey. I pray for you and your husband often and I pray your marriage is strengthened during this awful time.
    By the way, I just mailed (from northern Virginia) my form to the Dallas Zoo--with the name Jamie the Giraffe. Hope it wins.

  4. Kara, you are so good at articulating your thoughts and feelings. I wish you weren't having to write under these circumstances, but I'm glad that you are continuing to remain faithful and share your story.

  5. There are so many things that I have wanted to write to you about explaining why James' story has touch me deeply. I alway delete them before even posting because I feel that by sharing I am bragging about what I have(my kids). But your words there are so strong and powerful that I will be going back to church this Sunday, to my great church family that in the past year and half have helped me through my tough time without my husband here to help with our kids and the birth of our youngest( he is deployed). So thank you for your words and sharing your faith.

  6. you truly are an inspiration, kara <3

  7. He's such a cutie. I never get over his hair. :)

  8. I saw this photo today and immediately thought of your family.

    I have never commented here before, but have been reading since Jamsie was in the hospital. Your story truly touches my heart. I don't think I'll see a giraffe again without thinking about your angel.

  9. And FUMC is so blessed to have Kara! Thank you so much for sharing this.

  10. Thank you a woman struggling with infertility - this post gives me hope. I can choose to submit to God and trust in his will for my life. So very hard to do, but this post definitely helps me move forward in that direction. The pictures you posted really made me smile today. God bless you and your family.

  11. I lost a baby through miscarriage last summer, and your words sum up what got me through my loss. God is God. Our lives are to be lived for His glory, and when we surrender to that, we can make it through and it will end up good. My spiritual life took a huge hit after my loss, and a year later I am just now getting over my anger and mistrust in the Lord. A Christian for almost twenty years, losing a child shook my faith in a way I never expected. Your blog is beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us. I just said a prayer for your family.

  12. I've been struggling with whether I want to start looking for a church or not, because as you said it is scary, the whole searching part. You reminded me of how much at home I felt when I belonged to our church. I moved nearly 2 years ago and my fear of that search has kept me from trying. Thank you for your words as they have encouraged me to start looking at a few churches in my area.

    Your faith is so awe inspiring. I have thought of you both often and I am so glad to see you here posting. I am praying that your zoo giraffe will be blessed with the chance to honor your son through her name. I read Matthew's letter and cried and felt his every word. Unless the judge(s) have a heart of stone, I cannot imagine why they wouldn't name that sweet giraffe Jamie. In the meantime I am happy to spread the word and fill out my form and send it from Wisconsin. I will be eagerly awaiting the reveal of her name and crossing my fingers that you will get your wish for your sweet Jamesie.

    God Bless you both.

  13. Two entries from Florida (the middle of nowhere) are on their way! I even asked if they would consider going with Jamesie, even if it is a female baby giraffe!