Received rather than Taken

Sometimes I'm not really sure what I should write about on the blog- I feel like the times that I feel like writing are the times when I am the most upset.  So I hate that all I write is depressing- so please know that I am not so depressing most of the time in real life!  Or at least I hope not....

I went to a grief support group today.  I'm not going to share about the other people in it for their privacy, but the leader said something that really spoke to me today.  She said that we all need to decide whether we believe that God "took" our loved ones or whether God "received" them.

Wow.  What a wake up call.  I have definitely been needing an attitude adjustment recently.  I firmly believe that we are able to choose our attitudes, and honestly I have been choosing a pretty bad one. Little things have been setting me off and making me spiral into a pretty mean and depressed person lately.  Isn't it funny how one small, insignificant remark that someone makes can just ruin your whole day or week?  I have been letting these little comments just take over in my head.

So I choose to believe that God received James into heaven.  I typically get pretty angry when people tell me that "God just needed another angel" or "It was God's plan" or "God knew from the day James was born that he would die on July 16, 2011."  Because in reference to the first response, God doesn't "need" anything.  He is, by definition, God, and needs nothing from us as humans.  Secondly, God didn't need to "take" James to fulfill some worldly plan to promote research or awareness or to make other people value their children.  Those are great things that can come out of James's death, but they aren't the reason why he died.  Thirdly, I just can't believe this one. I'll probably get alot of backlash for this one, and I know I am probably going to tick some people off, but I just don't believe it.  Because if everyone has an expiration date written on them, than what is the point of life? 

(I don't mean to offend anyone about these phrases- and if you have said them, I'm not calling you out.  I would just avoid saying things like this in the future to anyone who has lost a loved one because I think the general consensus from people I have talked to going through this that these sayings tend to do more harm than good.)

My friend Whitney, from high school, recently said (in response to something I wrote) that she wasn't sure whether "Everything happens for a reason" or whether "stuff just happens",  I don't know that answer to that either.  I used to believe that in the end, things worked out the way that they are supposed to.  But I don't know that it was true for James.  I certainly don't know that it is true for children in the Darfur region of Sudan who go to bed hungry and see their parents killed before their eyes.  I don't think its true for people who are murdered or die in car accidents- is that really how things work out in the end?  I don't know.

Maybe because we live in a corrupt world, we all do the best we can until we make it to Heaven.  And God receives us and maybe that's the end that works out.  So maybe the attitude I should have is that In the end, we are reunited with our loved ones.  The parts in between allow us to give light and make the time from when we are united with our Heavenly Father sweeter.  I don't know, just my random thoughts tonight!

 And as always, I know the pictures of James are random.  These were taken at the arboretum in February when James was almost 4 months old.  And the video below was taken when he was a little over 3 months old and he was playing with the piano in his crib.  Gosh, he loved that piano.  He used to kick that thing the entire time I was in the shower- which was great because I could take a shower and he entertained himself!  Please ignore my horrible accent- Oklahoma + Texas = quality entertainment. 

“Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent” Mignon McLaughlin