Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day Twenty One

I am taking my son home today. I am taking him away from the wires, the needle pricks, and the constant pain he lives in. I am taking him home to the place he lived in and was loved in. Where Kara and I told our families we were expecting on Easter Day last year. I stood in front of the fireplace and told them, we gave each one a framed picture of his sonogram with a verse from Jeremiah printed on it "Before you were formed in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." And so it was.

Where James learned to crawl across the kitchen, always aiming for the dog bowls, eager to give their food a try. The entryway where his pack and play displaced completely our console table, becoming a new, more fashionable piece of furniture. The walls he tossed sweet potatoes onto while he still struggled with whether or not he liked solid foods. The chair in the corner I spent hours rocking him in, positioned just so you had good angle at the remote. I only ever used my fingers to change the channel- use the whole arm and James wakes up.

I am taking him home to his room, with its stencil/stickers ordered from Etsy, which apparently means Malaysia. It took us a good hour to figure out the directions. The T-shirt knit rug Kara and I bought at Buy Buy Baby, neutral so we could use it in his brothers and sisters rooms too. The rocker, also cream. We doubled up on coupons for that. The crib James sleeps in upside down, so he's never under the mobile- though that's the part of the crib where his piano sits, mounted on the side. He loves his piano. He always wanted to be moving, and before he could crawl he could flail, and he cackled when his feet made contact. The little boy's rocking chair that belonged to me and to my father before James, a frequent photo shoot accessory.

Home to thousands of memories, even in the short eight months he's called it that. James colonized the place within a week, and now it belongs more completely to him than it ever did Kara and I. His toys, his dogs- a constant source of play fighting entertainment, even his table, where he lords over us in his high chair. We call him Master Jamesie, for he is master of all that he surveys.

Above all I am taking him home to be with the people who love him. Kara and I have often asked how we could have been so lucky to call him our son. I have often felt he was more of a gift than I deserved. This is our chance to show him precisely how much we love him, to envelop him completely in that love and to repay the gift of his easy smile to us for so many months to him.

If I thought any chance whatsoever existed for my son, I would ask him to fight. He is a brave boy, and he has endured all that he was asked to bear with no complaint and a sublimity that defies reason and speaks to God's grace in him. If we asked him to, I believe he would fight. He would struggle, do battle against his tumor and all that was requested of him. But I will not put him through that struggle simply to watch him strive valiantly and ultimately to have us, medicine, and his body fail him. To watch him whither away in pain before he is taken from us. In the words of our neuro-oncologist today, this cannot be cured. Her voice is not alone. Tumors like James' do not have survivors, only sufferers. I do not want my boy to suffer more. I want him to know the perfect love that surrounds him.

And so I am taking him home to know that. As our oncologist speculates, the time left to James is measured in days and weeks, not months. We have come this far, and James has carried us. We will have to carry him the rest of the way.

Please respect our decision and support us. We are entering a new phase of our journey, and we will need still more support. Pray for us and James in the weeks to come, that we find peace, and do not know pain.

127 comments:

  1. This is an incredibly brave decision. I too would want my son at home, surrounded by the the things and people he knows and loves. I am in floods of tears reading about your terrible journey and battle with the tumour. Your son is absolutely adorable and obviously very very loved. I wish you all the best with the next few weeks and months. xxx

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  2. I am sitting in my law firm's office, door closed, crying for you...as I am certain many many people are doing today.

    My heart breaks for you two and for James. I've never had the chance to meet James, though I cyber stalked him for the past 8 months and when Kara was pregnant with him. I remember the first time I saw his picture I was at a bar watching a game and passed the phone to my friend and said, can you believe he has that much hair? He was adorable from day one (most newborns are not that cute, he was)

    People all over the country are praying for you and will continue to pray that the Lord provide comfort for your son and for you. I will not cease lifting you up in prayer. And you are right, what a fighter you have for a son.

    Much love and many prayers,
    Katy

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  3. We love ya'll. Praying for you and Jamesie.

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  4. I have no words to tell you how sorry I am. I am crying for you, praying for you, and my heart is breaking for you. May God give you peace which passes understanding, and may James be peaceful, free of pain, and surrounded by love.

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  5. You don't know me, but I'm a fellow Baylor alum (friend of Steffi Hill). I've been following James' journey, and our entire church has been lifting him up in prayer. We will continue to lift the three of you up as you go through this next phase. Love and prayers to yall.

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  6. Praying for Jesus to be so very near right now.
    Sending love,
    megan breed

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  7. I will be praying for your family.

    2 Corinthians 12:9
    New International Version (NIV)

    9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

    1 Samuel 1:27-28
    New International Version (NIV)

    27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.




    And remember, you're going to be one of the happiest families ever when you get to heaven. You will have so much to look forward to.

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  8. You don't know me, but I heard about your blog earlier this morning and today, I've read every entry depicting every moment of your journey. You decision is admirable and brave - your are taking on the pain and suffering so that your son doesn't have to anymore. I understand that and am heartbroken for you. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers and I know that God has great plans for James. Please know that there is so much love surrounding you all - even from those who never had the privilege of meeting your amazing family.

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  9. I am just so so sorry. I have no words other than to let you know that I am praying for comfort and peace for all of you.

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  10. I am so sorry. I am praying for your family

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  11. even though i havent met you in person, it's been such a priviledge to get to know you through your grandad and through this blog james! you are a brave lil boy and i already love you so much! you most certainly deserve to be in the most comfortable and peaceful place there is...home. Be certain that there is an army of people praying for you. Although sometimes heartbreaking, it is again, a priviledge to pray for you! You have gotten together thousands of people all over the continent (and caribbean!) to pray for you....your life has reached and touched so many people...we will continue to pray for you james....that you should only experience comfort and no pain whatsoever...will continue to pray for a miracle and will continue to pray for your brave parents and the rest of your family.

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  12. May you feel the loving arms of God wrapped around you. Praying for painfree time with your perfect son.
    Blessings-
    Yvonne Wall
    BU Alum '96
    Stanley Elem staff member

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  13. I have found this blog today through someone I follow on Twitter, and have not stopped praying since. Many prayers for you, your wife and your little man. I will continue to pray for you all. My baby is almost four months old and the joy they bring into our lives, even if only for a short time, is miraculous. May you all find peace during these time and soak up every second you have together. Many, many prayers to lift you and your family up!

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  14. My heart is breaking for you. I don't know the right words to say but please know I am praying for you both and James.

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  15. You've made a hard decision, and ultimately it's the best you can do for your precious son. My family and I are praying for peace and joy in the days to come. You all deserve that.

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  16. You don't know me but I'm a friend of Hannah Bass. She posted a link to your blog. My heart breaks for you. You are all in my prayers.

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  17. You made a brave, selfless decision. My husband and I will continue to pray for you and for comfort for sweet James. May God wrap his loving arms around all three of you.

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  18. Oh my sweet Kara!!! There's no way I could ever begin to imagine or comprehend what you must be feeling right now. Your precious James is such a gift and we may never understand the timing or reasoning for it all. My prayer is that you continue to think positive! That you receive God's unimaginable peace that surpasses ALL understanding...that James feels God's arms wrapped around him and that his playful, laughing, smiling self returns, even if just for a brief moment. You are completely surrounded with love and support as you guys endure this...you WILL survive this!! NOTHING is impossible with God...I believe this!! Love you!!!

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  19. My heart is in pieces for your family and we are praying so very hard for you and beautiful little James. Rest assured in your decision, you did it with guidance from God. Praying for peace, no pain, and comfort.
    Haley

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  20. I have no words to tell you how very sorry I am for you and your family. I only found out about James last night and he has been on my mind every moment since. I think your decision is so very brave. You're ensuring James is as comfortable as possible and taking his pain upon your self. It's love in the purest sense.

    The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

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  21. I pray that God wraps his arms you and that you feel his presence every moment throughout the days ahead. I pray for comfortable and pain free days for James. I pray for peace and understanding for you all.

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  22. I was recently at a memorial service for someone I knew...she wasn't even 30 yet, she had two young children. She had cancer too. The pastor spoke about this verse. He talked about how God could have done anything to bring mankind salvation, but he chose to send his son to die on a cross...It's not what we would have done, but as the verse says, His ways are so incredibly inconceivably higher than ours...I believe God is a miraculous healer...I also believe his a compassionate comforter. When they asked my friend what she wanted more than healing she said she wanted her family to know God. Well, Little Jamesie can't say it himself, but your blog has reached thousands of people...It may not be what we would have done, but God will use James in such a mighty way. His little life for however long it will be, he has brought the love of Christ to so many people who may not have otherwise heard it. My son will be 8 months on the 23rd. Your story breaks my heart.. I cannot even fathom your struggle. People always say God will not give us more than we can handle...That just isn't true. God gives us more than we can possibly bare, so we have to lean on Him and trust Him. Just like Job suffered and yet praised God through everything to bring God glory. I pray your family too can have peace.
    Isaiah 55:8-15
    New International Version (NIV)
    8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
    declares the LORD.
    9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
    10 As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
    and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
    and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
    11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
    but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
    12 You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
    the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
    and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
    13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
    This will be for the LORD’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever.”

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  23. You don't know me but I have been praying for you. May you feel the love and support, comfort and strength of those who have rallied around your family - all encircled in the loving arms of Jesus.

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  24. From the friend of a friend of a friend, your story has touched my family in ways you couldn't imagine. I am humbled by your eloquence and strength as you vow to give sweet James the peace he deserves in the home you so lovingly set up for him. Thank you for your candor, as you have opened the eyes of so many loved ones and strangers. Please hug precious Jamesie....for the friend of a friend of a friend. Love to you all.

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  25. i saw your blog on a friends page and just stopped by.our story is truly heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time. i cant imagine the strength you must have to have made such a difficult decision. you and your family are truly in my prayers

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  26. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. Kara, I can't begin to fathom the pain and wretched frustration and sorrow you guys are experiencing through this. I only met James once yet was a fan of that beautiful boy since the first picture posted. I am praying for a miracle for him and for peace, clarity, and understanding for you and your family. No one can know the heartache you are feeling. Prayers will not stop being lifted up for you all. Susie Johnston

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  28. What an eloquent post. May you always remember James as the love of your lives. I continue to pray for your family daily.

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  29. A friend asked a group of us to read your blog and pray your you and your sweet little boy. I am so very sorry. Lifting you all up in prayer each and every day.

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  30. On my knees bowing before our great God of heaven an asking him for comfort and peace for your hearts. I am so incredibly Sorry this is the path you must travel. I am a cancer.survivor and I know the pain and sorrow associated with treatments. You are awesome parents, brave and courageous to walk down This road with James. You have absolutely made the right.choice.
    Stay the course!

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  31. I am a friend of a friend, who told me about your journey... I am humbled by your amazing faith and attitude. I work for a hospice and was glad to hear you will have them by your side to keep James comfortable. Being home in your loving arms is exactly where he needs to be. You are all in my prayers

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  32. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you, Kara and James.

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  33. You don't know me but I just had to say how sorry I am to read that this is happening to your family. I will be saying prayers today for little James.

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  34. Thank you for sharing James' story. I feel honored to be a prayer warrior for you and your precious baby. I encourage you to read the book "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo if you haven't already. I think it might serve as comfort to you.

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  35. Just found your blog. I am heartbroken for you. I cannot begin to imagine your grief. Your faith is inspiring. Praying for you.

    Love,
    Erin (Cookeville, TN)

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  36. Wow, I am heartbroken for your family!!!! Praying for your sweet boy and for peace for you and your wife!!!

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  37. You have my complete respect... and prayers from a complete stranger in Ohio. Wishing you strength and peace. Godspeed Sweet Baby James.

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  38. I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is broken for you. Please know that so many people are praying for your sweet family. I pray that the Lord is near you during this incredibly difficult time. May you experience the true peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding.

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  39. Praying for baby James and your entire family.

    Love,
    Jordan

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  40. Someone posted a link to your blog on babycenter today. So although I don't know you I cannot stop reading, crying or praying. The love you have for your son along with the faith you have in God and your astounding grace through this is inspiring. May you feel His presence. I pray for a miracle. I know He is able. If a miracle isn't His will I pray for comfort and peace for you and your precious family. You have a beautiful son and I have no doubt that he knows how much he is loved and even less doubt that heaven will rejoice upon his arrival. Know that you are covered in prayer.

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  41. Your love for James is beautiful. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you take him home to love and comfort him. God bless you. You've made a impossibly difficult decision that shows your love for your precious son.

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  42. Another friend of a friend here praying for your family. I'm a mother of two who has watched two friends lose their infants in recent years. None of us understand it. But I know the Lord's peace passes our understanding. Your journey does not end here. May the Lord bless you and keep you in perfect peace.

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  43. God Bless you all, such a wretched and awful decision to make, one a parent never should have to even contemplate but one you have made so bravely. I pray that these next days are filled with all that is possible. I pray that you feel God's strength and I pray that love surrounds and engulfs you.

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  44. You have been in my thoughts and prayers since I came across your blog today. James is so lucky to have you loving on him during this time.

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  45. We are all praying for you here in NC. This next bit of information may be too sensitive to hear, but I know what grate comfort my family had after learning what I am about to say.. I did think after reading this entry that I should tell you hearing is the last sense to leave. Talk to Jamesie every moment you can... he hears you even if he cannot respond. After one of Chrissy's worse seizures and right before she left us consciously (Chrissy died Nov. 11, 2010 of a glioblastoma brain tumor), she said she could hear us even though she could not communicate with us. This little bit of information kept us going through the last hard days. We told her funny stories and made sure she knew we were there beside her. Praying for Jamesie.

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  46. I'm so so sorry. So very sorry. My heart is broken that you had to make this decision at all and I pray that your remaining days are all they can be.

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  47. We are all praying for your family. God Bless.

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  48. Praying for James and your family.

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  49. You and James have been in my prayers since I stumbled upon your site from another blog. I have wept reading your posts and have been so touched by your strength and grace in a situation that no one should have to bear. May God carry you through and wrap His arms around you all. I will forever hold my baby closer and live with a deep sense of gratitude that I didn't have before. James is lucky to have you as parents and he has touched so many lives. Wishing you peace, strength and comfort.

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  50. You don't know me; I am a friend of a friend, and all I can say is that I and many of my friends and family have been praying for James, for a miracle, for your comfort and peace throughout this unimaginable time. As the mother of a little boy not much older than James, my heart is breaking for you. I pray God will hold all of you close to His heart and give you peace and comfort.

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  51. You don't know me. I just wanted to comment and let you know you are in my prayers. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Wishing you all the peace that HE alone can bring.

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  52. I am in tears as I read this, and just know I am praying for you. Your courage, strength and love for James trumps all. I don't know your family but I think about you often and cannot begin to understand what you are going through. I do know that God has a special plan for James and you both. Love and prayers from Vermont.

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  53. Last evening I found myself lying in bed continually praying for you and your husband. None of us can even imagine what you are going through. Only God's grace will get you through this time. We will continue to hold you both close in prayer during this journey.

    Sadly,

    Sid and Pam Terry

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  54. I am a friend of your mom's and I know that sweet sweet boy has brought nothing but joy to you guys. She has always been his biggest fan and pictures of his precious face littered her office! I have truly enjoyed getting to know him through Valarie. My heart breaks for you and all of your family. I pray for peace and comfort for you and yours!

    In my thoughts and prayers--Jen

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  55. praying for your family and the time you have together right now at home.

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  56. You don't know me either but I've been in constant prayer as well. My heart just breaks for you. I just can't even begin to imagine your pain.

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  57. My heart is breaks for you and your family...your strength and faith is inspiring and your beautiful little boy has touched so many people...i truly feel you know and so does everyone else that you have made the right decision. Home is where james belongs...still praying for a miracle and sending hugs your way.

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  58. I've just now discovered you and your adorable son through a post on facebook. I don't know you or James, but as a parent my heart hurts for you. As a Christian my heart rejoices for James to have known such love and to have you as the time nears for him to meet his Jesus. God bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand. I'll say a prayer each time I think of you and James.

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  59. Praying for your son, your family, and your courageous decision. May you all be blessed with peace and grace.

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  60. Our hearts break for you, and we wish you only the deepest peace and joy in the time you have left with your precious son. I didn't know James well, but I've learned more about courage from that young soldier than anyone else in my life. God bless you and James.

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  61. I found out about your family and James through a post on baby center community. My husband and I just read your blog posts with sadness and love as we thought about your family tonight. I know that you are lying next to that sweet child of yours as I write this breathing him in. My heart pours out to you and my prayer is that you can feel all of us who have read your story holding you up and supporting you as you go through these next few days and weeks.

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  62. We are praying for you all - for strength, peace and understanding.

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  63. Praying for you all and knowing that you all have made the right decision for you and baby James. Love that baby all you can and know that many people are praying for you and sending love.

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  64. I am praying for your family during this very difficult time.

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  65. Like so many others, you do not know me, but I am praying for your sweet family. I pray that God will give you peace, strength and His everlasting grace. God Bless.

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  66. you've made such a brave, and selfless decision. my thoughts and prayers are with your family and james. may you all find peace knowing you did what you know in your heart to be the best thing for him. xoxo

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  67. I know that this may not be of any help at this stage, but just in case... I am friends with Ty and know his story personally. A flight instructor friend asked and we will be praying for you.

    http://www.cancertruth.net/

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  68. Thank you for sharing your story. We are praying for you all to find some sort of peace and comfort in this most difficult time. We are thinking of you three.

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  69. I sit here crying for you and with you. I pray that you have peace in the coming days and weeks. I will hug my son even tighter each day. Ease know that in his short life, James has impacted my life in helping me realize how unpredictable life can be and that I should truly savor each day. Thank you James.

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  70. I was brought to your blog by way of another, and although we are strangers, my heart aches for your family. May God bless you and your precious miracle James, and know that you are in my prayers and the prayers of many!

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  71. May the Lord give you peace and put your minds at ease. I pray the Lord slow time these coming weeks and keep James from feeling pain. I cry just reading your story. Thank you for sharing and reminding us all that our days are numbered. James is so lucky to have been born to the two of you. You are amazing parents.

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  72. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am praying for your beautiful family. Your story has reminded me to treasure each moment with my children, even on frustrating days.

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  73. I'm praying for your sweet family. My thoughts and prayers have been with you since seeing a friend on Facebook asking for prayer for your family.

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  74. You don't know me, I found this post through a new friend at my bible study. My heart is breaking for you & your family. He is so beautiful & anyone can see the love & joy he beams. He knows he's loved. I am praying for his comfort & peace & for his wonderful parents & whole family. You have made me realize that I haven't been as grateful for every precious moment I have & have had with my children. I'm going to try to be a better mom to my two boys. I have been given such a gift.

    Thank you for sharing with others. I know James is being lifted up to the Lord & he sees he's beautiful angel.

    God Bless you all.

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  75. Kara, I work with your dad and I will like to let you know that we are all praying for you, Matthew and foremost James. My daughters and my mom have joined us in prayer as well. "For where two or three gather together in my name, I am there among them." Matthew 18:20
    My heart aches for you as a mom for the hard decision you had to make, yet as a woman of strong faith in God I know that He is in control. He has you and your family in His arms. I know God is not done making miracles, and I pray He does His will. Spiritually I am hugging you all. I pray to God for His mercy, love, comfort, and understanding be over you so you know that He is near.
    I will like to share with you this song from Laura Story - "Perfect Peace".

    Stay close by My side
    Keep your eyes on Me
    Though this life is hard
    I will give you perfect peace

    In this time of trial
    Pain that no one sees
    Trust me when I say
    That I will give you perfect peace

    And you'll never walk alone
    And you'll never be in need
    Though I may not calm the storms around you
    You can hide in Me

    Burdens that you bear
    Offer no relief
    Let Me bear your load
    'Cause I will give you perfect peace

    Stay close by My side
    And you'll never walk alone
    Keep your eyes on Me
    And you'll never be in need
    Though this life is hard
    Know that I will always give you perfect peace
    I will give you perfect peace

    God bless you always.
    Lily

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  76. Sending you love and prayers for peace and comfort. Your James is adorable. Such a precious child. I am so sorry.

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  77. praying for you and your precious James....may you feel God's love in a way you never have before and be strengthened by the many prayers coming from all over. praying peace for you and your family.

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  78. I am so very sorry. I will be praying for you and sweet James. May God grant you peace and serenity during this time.

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  79. You don't know me. I found your blog through a post on Facebook and I haven't been able to stop reading every single one of your posts today. My heart is broken for James and your family. I can't control my crying. I have a 10 month old son, and I can't even begin to fathom what you and your family are going through. I have spent the entire day looking at and dealing with my son differently. Your faith, courage and strength are amazing! I will keep James and your family in my prayers. I pray that God will wrap you tightly in His arms and that He will help you to find peace. I pray that your time spent with James at home will be filled with joy, and I pray that James will rest peacefully and be pain free. I am a complete stranger, but your story has touched my life, as I know it has sooo many others, more than you know.
    Courtney (Southern California)

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  80. I echo the previous post. You don't know me. I am just a fellow Baylor Bear that empathizes with you. I saw the link to your blog on a friend's Facebook page. I have cried tears that you have cried. I have prayed prayers you have prayed-and I will continue to pray prayers for your family. For you and Kara tha you will be comforted in this incredibly difficult time. For Jamesie, that he will know only peace and the beauty of being with our amazing Lord. And for anyone who has been touched by your tragic but amazing journey through this limbo that is called cancer, I pray for you all. But most importantly, I pray for peace. With love and prayers, Kim.

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  81. We don't know each other, but I am sorry. I am praying for you. I pray you soak up every minute of that sweet baby and that your faith grow supernaturally. I thank Jesus that He can deliver us from ANYTHING, even the saddest things in the whole world. Things like this.

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  82. Your baby boy is indeed so very perfect. My sister is Ella and she shared this with me. I have been praying and crying for your sweet James. How I respect your decision, because it was yours to make. It is so obvious that you have such love and respect for the angel with whom you have been entrusted. For all he has given to you, you now are giving to him, and to the rest of us. My heart is so heavy and I can only guess that what you both are going through as parents is simply beyond words. But thank you or your words. For sharing your words, your hearts and your precious baby James with the rest of us. He has touched my life in a very real and hard to explain way. I will continue to pray for you all.

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  83. I have never met you or James and I am certain that I have missed out because of that. Your journey not an envious one. I would like to offer a book called"Heaven is for Real." It helped answer so many questions I had. It is the real life story tolfd by the parents of a 4 year old boy that went to heaven during his surgery. Told in bits and pieces and over a years time to his parents that had to share. I already have faith in our Lord as I can see you have. Scriptures back up a lot of what this boy accounts, but what helped me is knowing that when our children suffer Jesus is with them. I did not loose my baby girl, but after two months of not nearly the struggle James has been through (although it was real) my baby girl came home. I am glad Jamesie is coming home for love, holding, kisses instead of tubes, hugs instead of wires. I pray that the Lord holds you and your husband as you walk down this path. James is beautiful and the time you are given is a gift he blessed even those that never got to meet him such as myself. May his light shine for those who need to see the Lords light. My heart and prayers are yours this am as I read your story for the first time. Love is sent out in the form of prayer.

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  84. I have been reading your blogs all day today. I am truly sorry your family is having to endure this difficult time. I have no words that will ease your pain and sorrow. Your story is so incredibly inspiring, and your family is so full of love. I applaud your decision to put your beautiful son's comfort and needs first. I pray God will ease James' pain and suffering, and give your family peace and strength. Thank you for sharing your beautiful angel with us.

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  85. You do not know me (I'm sure you have read those words many times at this point) but the link to your blog was placed on the Kappa Phi Facebook page. I am a Kappa Phi sister, a mother, a nurse. As a nurse, when I read your blog my heart swells that you have been privileged to meet some wonderful medical professionals but also breaks to know that you have had the unfortunate opportunity to meet some in the medical field who we may find it difficult to call a "professional". Even more so, as a mother my heart aches and breaks thinking of the pain that you are experiencing.
    When my mother's cancer returned, she made the choice not to pursue any further treatment. She simply said to me, "It's about quality not quantity". I know that you may at this time find no or little comfort in those words because as a mother I understand the desire to have more time (quantity) with your child. However, we have no control over that. However, you have the amazing ability to provide quality not only for your beautiful son but for you as parents as well as you spend these days with your precious little boy.
    As I read your blog, I find it difficult to figure out who is more blessed....you for having this beautiful little boy in your life or your son for having wonderful, loving, compassionate parents to guide him through his journey on this earth.
    May God bless you, your son, and your family! Even though you may feel alone, please know that God is with you all and that several people across this country and potentially around the world are thinking of and praying for you, James and your family!

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  86. Like so many others, I'm a friend of a friend who saw this blog and have been touched by your journey.

    The Lord sees you. May you feel His strength and grace as you make this journey. May you know you are not alone.

    Cheri (Baltimore, MD)

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  87. I saw your blog posted on my friends facebook page. Please know that I am praying for you all and that God will give you peace and that you can trust His plan and goodness for you all in this valley. James has touched many lives in his few months on earth.

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  88. You have so much support and prayers from friends, family, and complete strangers around the world. My thoughts and wishes go out to you and your family for peace.

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  89. I cannot express in words how much admiration I have for you and Kara as parents-you have been an inspiration and I cannot say how much respect I have for you-even though I have never met either of you. I sit here, reading your story, crying, and become completely speechless. I pray for you, your family, and for your superhero James.

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  90. I'm praying for peace, and for Jesus to carry your family through this difficult time.

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  91. praying for the entire family and little James comfort...thank you for allowing us to be part of and sharing your journey and your gorgeous son's story. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Asking for God's peace and love to surround you at this time, even though at times like this I know that sometimes it's very difficult. Kenia in League City, Texas

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  92. I am so moved by your strength and faith in God. I read your blog for a long time yesterday and just cried. I prayed so hard for your family and especially for your beautiful sweet James. My thoughts and prayers continue to stay with you.

    Danielle

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  93. I've cried for you and prayed for you and I've never even met you. Your struggle has touched so many. May you always find strength in the Lord and the love of those around you. I know that the life that we live is not meant to be perfect, but your family has faced more than many of us will ever experience. Never forget that your little angel is going to enjoy perfect peace with God. I know he will be waiting for you with a huge smile on that cute little face of his when you one day join him again.

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  94. I am so sorry and heart broken for you. James has already touched so many lives and know I found his story for a reason. Thank you for sharing him and you will be in my prayers. I pray for comfort and peace for James and comfort, peace, and strength for you. You sound like you are wonderful parents and you will get through this.

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  95. My husband and I are crying WITH you and praying FOR you. I went to high school with one of Kara's sorority sister's, Lauren Nelson. We've had James in our prayers since the day she first posted about him on her FB page. He has made an imprint on our hearts. As God carries y'all through this today, tomorrow, next week and for months to come, know that you will be in our prayers.

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  96. You don't know me - dear friends at Children's sent me your blog link and asked me to join them in constant prayer. You are honoring your son by making this decision. You are also, in the deepest and most profound way, honoring your calling to be parents. Your loving words, your son's brave battle, and your selfless and brave decision are a testament to a faith so deep that most people cannot even fathom it. May the Lord surround you and your sweet baby, James, with peace and courage and strength. Your son has touched the spirits of countless people all over the world - therein lies a portion of the miracle that is your sweet, sweet James. Praying.

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  97. We've never met, but please know that many, many prayers are being sent up from Virginia for your family and your dear, sweet baby James. May you and your son find peace and strength in this most difficult time.

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  98. I have just been added to Jamesies fan club and followers...may the Lord provide peace and love that surpasses all understanding for each of you.

    Psalm 23

    A psalm of David.
    1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
    he leads me beside quiet waters,
    3 he refreshes my soul.
    He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
    4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
    I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

    5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
    You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
    6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
    and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
    forever.

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  99. I'm praying for your family and for your precious son. I have asked that God provide you with the strength and wisdom you needed to make this incredibly difficult decision, and now I ask that God give you strength, peace and healing that only He can provide. You all are in the thoughts and prayers of so many.

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  100. I am just another one of the many readers who has been deeply moved by James' story, and by your strength throughout. And, as the others, my thoughts are with you.

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  101. Peace be with all of you, your decision isn't an easy one, but I think it's the right one. much love,
    tara pakosta

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  102. thinking of you today as you are home with jamesie. i hope you have many more smiles and happy times with him in these upcoming days and weeks. i can feel the joy he has brought you thus far and can only imagine how wonderful you two are as parents. i will definitely pray that he does not feel pain and that your time together continues to be precious. your family will be in my prayers and i will always remember those pictures of james with all that hair! what an adorable kiddo. sending your family hugs and love even though we have never met.

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  103. May the Lord bless you & keep you.
    May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
    and be gracious to you.
    May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
    and give you peace.

    I will continue my prayers for you all.

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  104. My little girls and I just prayed for James and your family.

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  105. I just found your blog today from someone else I follow. My prayers are with you. I am in recovery from my c-secetion. My son is two weeks old today.
    I just couldn't handle it. I broke down and cried. You truly have a little angel.

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  106. You are also in my prayers. May you find peace in the days ahead and comfort in all that is special about your beautiful boy. And may God wrap you esepcially tight in his tender loving care.

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  107. I came across your blog yesterday via a FB friend asking for prayers for your family, I have not been able to stop thinking about your precious angel and his brave, brave parents since reading your story. Words can not begin to express how deeply sorry I am for your family. I am praying for a miracle for this beautiful child, and asking that God will continue to grant you all strength, comfort and peace. God Bless you both and your sweet,sweet son.

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  108. Found you through a friend asking for prayer for James. James' story hasn't left my heart since. Praying for comfort and peace for your hearts. May you find your strength in the Lord to carry on through this difficult days ahead. God bless you.

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  109. Praying for you that God's perfect peace will comfort you all.

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  110. I heard your story through a co-worker & have shared it with some of my friends. Please be assured of our many, many prayers! What a tremendous gift you have shared with us all by allowing us to be part of Jamesie's life -- even though we may never meet him; his life & the love he experienced will touch & transform many hearts.

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  111. A friend passed along your blog and story and I am consumed with heart ache for you and your sweet family. I have not stopped thinking about precious James. I pray you are given strength and understanding during this difficult time.

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  112. You don't know me but I am praying for you and James and the rest of your family. I cannot imagine how difficult this decision was to make. I can only pray that James feels nothing but your love during his time with you.

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  113. May God hold your family in His unfailing and loving arms! You have parented with great courage and we pray peace and joy on your family during these moments with your baby boy!

    The Ljs in Oklahoma

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  114. Praying that the Lord's unending faithfulness will be made more known to you now than ever before.

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  115. I just found your blog today and read your story. Please know that your family is my thoughts and prayers. I admire your brave decision and your faith.

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  116. Praying for strength for your family. Isn't it amazing that the smallest ones teach the biggest life lessons. I am so happy you get to love on your baby in the place where you all call home.

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  117. Praying for strength and peace and grace and love and comfort for James and for you and your family.

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  118. I heard about your story from a friend (Jen) and I cannot begin to imagine all that you have gone through these past few short weeks. My heart breaks for your family and I pray constantly for God to wrap His arms around you as you spend these precious moments with your beautiful son at home. I pray that you may feel God present in every moment and know that He has known James since before he was in your womb. God has a perfect plan for your family. Keep the faith, and know that the Lord is with you.

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  119. I am a friend of Jen McCrady and have been following your blog. I just can't even imagine what your family is going through right now. Prayers for continued strength, courage and many smiles from baby James in the days to come.

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  120. Stumbled upon your blog today & the story of your son. I will be praying for peace & comfort...something that has to be the hardest thing to come by these days. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through but know that I am thinking of your family. Your little boy (& his adorably fuzzy hair!) is an angel, as you stated, on loan to you & to all these people who don't even know him...touching the hearts of people all over. How many 8 month olds can say that? Although we do not know God's plan, He has one, and James was put on this Earth for just that reason, to be a part of God's greater plan.

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  121. I am the mother of a son, a 17 year old son, also James, who died a hero. He was trying to rescue a friend who had fallen off a cliff. My first grandson, also James, will be born any day. My heart breaks for you. I send prayers and love to you. Though I am a stranger, I don't feel like one really. Your son is beautiful. His smile is just so precious. May you be comforted, and may angels attend you. I am so terribly, terribly sorry that you must say goodbye for now. So sorry.

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  122. I have never met you but I found your blog through a friend's blog. The decision you made was impossible but cherish these moments you have with him. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen (and, I deliver them for a living so I have seen quite a few). He is truly an angel. My thoughts and prayers are with you both and with James. I hope you are able to feel the comfort of God's loving arms. Y'all are an inspiration.

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  123. Although I've never met y'all, after reading every single blog post, I feel as if I do. I'm a fellow Baylor alum and saw your blog post via a link on a mutual friend's facebook page. I want you to know that I am praying so hard for you all and I've got so many other people praying for you, too. If I could I would give you each a huge hug. Your strength and courage is so inspiring. I pray that peace surround you.

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  124. God bless you all, and we will pray that you have support, strength and love surrounding you now.

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  125. Like so many others, I found your blog through a mutual friend. I've read every word, rejoicing in your small triumphs and weeping at the setbacks, and I've been truly moved by the grace and love with which you have handled all of this.

    You're in our thoughts - wishing for peace and comfort for you all. Hug that sweet, sweet little boy and let him know how many hearts he's captured across the world.

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  126. I think of James so often and keep him -- and you all-- in my heart... You have taught me what it means to be a brave parent. Your son was perfect and loved and beautiful. Peace to you. May you see your son in your dreams, and in a quiet or joyful moment find his presence so strong.

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